As you may know, I'm not jumping up and down because Trump won the nomination. But (A), let me reiterate a point I made in my tribute to Roy Thomas' historic WHAT IF? series of Marvel mags which you can still read at steveneisenpreis.blogspot.com : The people elected him president, and the people, ALL of the people, should put the vandalism, shouting, and signs aside and give him a chance, and (B) he DOES have a point.
The American publishing system is rigged.
THERE! I said it. In fact, it isn't even the American publishing system anymore. It's just an extension of the European publishing system, and not one of the editors or executives in charge of Hachette Book Group, Pearson Random House, or HarperCollins would know a great American book if it fell on top of their pointy little heads. If they're not rejecting books, they're ripping off the Melvilles, Wolfes, and Poes of the future by charging exorbitant rates JUST TO GET PUBLISHED!
With all that in mind, America, I give you...
STEVE'S PLAN TO MAKE AMERICA READ AGAIN (or, MAKE AMERICAN PUBLISHING GREAT AGAIN)
1. All European-based publishers will be forced to sell or spin off their American subsidiaries.
2. The term "self-publishing" as it currently exists will be replaced by "assisted publishing," and no author will have to pay more than $500 for the total cost of publishing
3. Any author who takes his manuscript to an establishment with a copier (i.e. a library, office superstore, or restaurant) and sells the finished product himself will now be considered a "self-publisher."
4. Authors will be required to guarantee satisfaction. Publishers will no longer send copies to reviewers, who will have to buy their own copies.
5.Rejected books will be treated the same as their published counterparts, including promotion as part of literacy campaigns.
6. Rejection itself would be eliminated, except when it comes to books advocating the violent overthrow of the United States of America.
7. Murder of iconic literary characters would be treated exactly the same as murder of actual people.
8. Editors will be stripped of their "life or death" power and serve as cheerleaders.
9. No book will be priced higher than five U,S, dollars.
Boy, it feels great to get THAT off my chest!
Happy Thanksgiving, and let's knock the stuffing out of those turkeys in charge of the book publishers!
Steve
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
What the Devil Is Mickey Doing THERE?
Halloween may be over, (And Election Day is on the way. Talk about SCARY!) but you can still have some scary good fun. You can either get ready for Marvel's new Doctor Strange movie by reading Stan Lee and Steve Ditko's early classics in DOCTOR STRANGE OMNIBUS VOL. 1 (available wherever books, ebooks. or graphic novels are sold), or (A) start saving those shekels, (B) write a letter to Santa or Harry, or (C) or go to http://www.papercutz.com to pre-order DISNEY GREAT PARODIES: MICKEY'S INFERNO before it ships next month.
I know what you're thinking: Walt is doing a three-sixty in his grave because the company he started with a Mouse has thrown the taste playbook right out the window. Well, nothing could be farther from the truth! Anybody who's seen the hilarious MICKEY MOUSE SHORTS on Disney Channel knows that although Mick comes from American roots, he can kick a soccer ball, shoot a hockey puck, (two of them, in fact, in the now-classic "Bad Ear Day") negotiate the tough Tokyo rush-hour traffic, navigate a gondola in Venice, save a cafe in Paris by delivering a motor-bike-load of croissants, drive a Formula 1 race car in the Monaco Grand Prix with the best of them and even entertain the Queen of England with his one man band, in short, M-I-C-K-E-Y is an M-O-U-S-E of the world, no matter what you may think. For years, Mickey and friends have been entertaining Italian audiences in what started as the Italian edition of MICKEY MOUSE MAGAZINE, I refer to TOPOLINO (literally, "Little Mouse") which is still published today. When TOPOLINO resumed publication after Mussolini and the rest of the Axis powers were defeated in WWII, one of the series within the magzine that were unique to Italy was "Great Parodies," which, as the name implies, featured Mousek-interpetations of classic works starring Mick and the gang, and the first (and, in this reviewer's humble opinion, the best) in the series, MICKEY'S INFERNO, which begins after Mickey and Goofy wow 'em in a performance of Dante's Divine Comedy. Mick's longtime enemy Peg-Leg Pete and his partner in crime Morty the Mesmerist hypnotize the Mouse and the Goof into thinking they are Dante and Virgil, respectively, and they take an imaginary journey to H-E-double-hockeysticks (This IS a Disney book I'm reviewing!) where they meet all sorts of creatures, some played by beloved fellow Disney characters! (Example, Minnie as Beatrice.) I read the preview that was offered free as part of Diamond Comics Distributors' national Halloween Comics Party, and it was very sophisticated without abandoning (hope of reading) the classic family-friendly humor that made Mickey famous. Mind you, it was excerpted, the complete under-the-bridge version ships in December and it's presented by Papercutz. a graphic novel publisher led by former self-admitted Marvel Zombie Slim Jim Salicrup, and noted for its variety of properties from the Smurfs and DreamWorks' TROLLS to Barbie and the WWE as well as its own great parodies of popular books and movies. It's one book Disneyphiles of all ages won't be able to put down, written in the classic (Dante)style and cleverly translated with tons of pop culture references. If you were down to your last and could only buy either this book or a sandwich, postponing that lunch and enjoying this book would be an absolute Mouseka-MUST! I'll bet that the shivers that run up and down your spine while reading this will be of absolute delight. When it goes on sale next month, run as Faust as you can to your local comic shop!
Seeya real soon!
Steve
IN A COMPLETELY UNRELATED DEVELOPMENT: Congratulations to the Chicago Cubs on breaking a 108-year-long drought and becoming Champions of Baseball!
I know what you're thinking: Walt is doing a three-sixty in his grave because the company he started with a Mouse has thrown the taste playbook right out the window. Well, nothing could be farther from the truth! Anybody who's seen the hilarious MICKEY MOUSE SHORTS on Disney Channel knows that although Mick comes from American roots, he can kick a soccer ball, shoot a hockey puck, (two of them, in fact, in the now-classic "Bad Ear Day") negotiate the tough Tokyo rush-hour traffic, navigate a gondola in Venice, save a cafe in Paris by delivering a motor-bike-load of croissants, drive a Formula 1 race car in the Monaco Grand Prix with the best of them and even entertain the Queen of England with his one man band, in short, M-I-C-K-E-Y is an M-O-U-S-E of the world, no matter what you may think. For years, Mickey and friends have been entertaining Italian audiences in what started as the Italian edition of MICKEY MOUSE MAGAZINE, I refer to TOPOLINO (literally, "Little Mouse") which is still published today. When TOPOLINO resumed publication after Mussolini and the rest of the Axis powers were defeated in WWII, one of the series within the magzine that were unique to Italy was "Great Parodies," which, as the name implies, featured Mousek-interpetations of classic works starring Mick and the gang, and the first (and, in this reviewer's humble opinion, the best) in the series, MICKEY'S INFERNO, which begins after Mickey and Goofy wow 'em in a performance of Dante's Divine Comedy. Mick's longtime enemy Peg-Leg Pete and his partner in crime Morty the Mesmerist hypnotize the Mouse and the Goof into thinking they are Dante and Virgil, respectively, and they take an imaginary journey to H-E-double-hockeysticks (This IS a Disney book I'm reviewing!) where they meet all sorts of creatures, some played by beloved fellow Disney characters! (Example, Minnie as Beatrice.) I read the preview that was offered free as part of Diamond Comics Distributors' national Halloween Comics Party, and it was very sophisticated without abandoning (hope of reading) the classic family-friendly humor that made Mickey famous. Mind you, it was excerpted, the complete under-the-bridge version ships in December and it's presented by Papercutz. a graphic novel publisher led by former self-admitted Marvel Zombie Slim Jim Salicrup, and noted for its variety of properties from the Smurfs and DreamWorks' TROLLS to Barbie and the WWE as well as its own great parodies of popular books and movies. It's one book Disneyphiles of all ages won't be able to put down, written in the classic (Dante)style and cleverly translated with tons of pop culture references. If you were down to your last and could only buy either this book or a sandwich, postponing that lunch and enjoying this book would be an absolute Mouseka-MUST! I'll bet that the shivers that run up and down your spine while reading this will be of absolute delight. When it goes on sale next month, run as Faust as you can to your local comic shop!
Seeya real soon!
Steve
IN A COMPLETELY UNRELATED DEVELOPMENT: Congratulations to the Chicago Cubs on breaking a 108-year-long drought and becoming Champions of Baseball!
Friday, March 25, 2016
9 By Popular Demand...(Irving Popular, my next door neighbor, texted me a demand)
AFTER THE SONG
A 6-Part Limited Series
CHAPTER 1
And They Lived Happily Ever After...Then What?
"I think we should start seeing other people."
That rather shocking observation came from Rosa Milano Taylor, half of New York magazine's Power Couple of the Year for 2016 after she woke from a troubled night's sleep at one in the morning in her luxurious penthouse apartment facing Lincoln Center. The other half, Carl Taylor, thought it was just one of those very-real-sounding voices one hears during one's dreams. but his eyelids flew open like cartoon window shades and he tried to stay calm as he asked,
"The incredibly sexy woman I saved from homelessness whose operatic career I helped revive and who went on to be the mother of Carly, Escamillo, Carmen, and Michela while continuing to raise Frasquita and Mercedes from an earlier marriage says WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!"
"Dude," she explained. "Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everything you've done for me and I'm happy that we're being honored tonight for supporting afterschool arts programs and helping kids discover opera,but, let's be honest here. I didn't ASK you to just take me off the street and turn me into the second coming of Beverly Sills. You just jumped right in and made me the star of your own little show."
Carl could not believe his ears. He took a deep breath and replied, "It's not entirely a me thing, no matter what you think. My father once told me evil wins when good does nothing, and seeing people living in boxes on the street,asking you for a quarter when the only thing you can buy for a quarter is a pay phone call and good luck with that, or just running up to you when you spend money in Grand Central Station...well, homelessness has turned good people into evil...well, THINGS. They may remind one of historical interpeters at Colonial Williamsburg or cartoon characters at Disneyland, but they refuse to spend a day of work to get their own money. I saw you and I remembered this talented person, and I wanted to do my best for everybody by turning her back into the wonderful singer she used to be. Another one of my favorite expressions is, "Give a man a fish and he'll have food for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll have food for a lifetime." This wasn't me trying to be a voyeur and casting you as the star of my show, this was me trying to help you return to being the best you you could be."
This failed to make an impression on Rosa who replied,"OK, understood, huzzah for Super-Carl, but every time you introduce me at a party, you say, "This is my formerly homeless opera singer wife," and you ALWAYS refer to it every time we're asked to a fancy Lincoln Center gala!" Carl attempted to explain that he wouldn't do it if it weren't true, but she continued, "And then, there's the kids! Since Phoebe left for Buckingham Palace,I've tried to be a mother, father, AND nanny to all those kids while trying to keep an opera career going. Sorry, buddy, but the Brady Bunch we AIN'T!"
"OK,OK,OK," Carl replied, "I'll call a family meeting."
He hit the siren the PBA gave him as a thank-you gift,picked up a megaphone, and shouted, "FAMILY MEETING IN THE LIVING ROOM IN FIVE MINUTES!" The younger members of Clan Taylor crawled out of bed groaning, "Who died?" (Cam) "Already?" (Keeta) "We have to be sharp for that interview with Kelly and Michael!" (Sadie) "And Justin Bieber was just about to propose!" (Carls) "In case you forgot, ABC 7 has an important Little League game with A.J.Clarke Real Estate today, and Coach wants everybody at their best!" (Carmencita) "WAAAAAAH!" (Kayla)
Mom and Dad sat in the two biggest chairs while the kids all crowded on the couch. Dad said, "Since everybody's present, we'll skip the roll call and get down to business: Your Mom thinks we should start seeing other people."
The kids just sat and stared. The only thing you could hear was crickets chirping.
"I know what you're thinking, but we're not getting the D-word. (Rosa thought, At least not now.) we just need some alone time to get ourselves together, but don't worry, you're still living all together under this roof. We're still in this together, and no matter what, we'll find a way out of this problem. Team Taylor on three!" The family raised their hands, although Rosa hesitated for a moment. "One, two,three...(And everybody shouted,) TEAM TAYLOR!"
Came the dawn, and Carl called HIS Mom and Dad in Buffalo.
"Taylor Residence, Lady of the House speaking."
"Hey,Mom!"
"Hi, Carl, how's everything?"
"Keeta and Sadie are getting ready to shoot WHO DUNN IT?:THE MOVIE in Puerto Rico,Cam is studying acting at the School of the Arts,Carmencita has become the jock of the family, the hockey team calls her Henrietta Lundquist because of all her saves and now she's knocking 'em out of the park in Little League, Kayla had her birthday announced on SUNNY SIDE UP (the preschool version of the TODAY show), Carls is playing Ariel in her school's production of THE LITTLE MERMAID,
and,uh,Rosa..."
"Son, is something wrong with Rosa? Bob, come here. There may be something wrong with your daughter-in-law."
"OK, Carl. Like they used to say on those soaps your mother used to watch, gimme the bad news, Doc. I can take it."
"Rosa thinks we should see other people."
Susan Taylor fainted dead away. Her husband shouted," I KNEW IT! ONCE A VAGRANT, ALWAYS A VAGRANT! YOU'VE BEEN SCAMMED! MISTER, IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU, YOU'LL DROP THAT HARLOT LIKE A BAD HABIT!" and slammed the phone back on its cradle.
Carl thought, Sorry, Dad, but I think I'm going to get a second opinion.
A few hours later, Carl and Rosa changed out of their jammies and into acceptable semi-formal wear before visiting the venerable Hallowell Center, a well-known practice located at the corner of 72nd and Broadway. The doctor listened attentively to both sides, and delivered the final verdict...
"You SHOULD see other people."
But they were still scheduled to attend New York magazine's Power Couple of the Year ceremony that evening. They did, under a great deal of protest from Rosa, who told the MC they wanted to say something before the ceremonies officially began. (He laughed nervously, "You just made my job a little easier.") He threw it to Carl who said, "We would like to thank New York magazine for this honor...I would like to re-emphasize we WOULD like to thank New York magazine for this honor...but we can't."
As the crowd drew a horrified shudder, Rosa explained, "After much soul-searching, we have decided to start seeing other people. We're sorry. We can't be this happy couple fighting for truth,justice and all that other good stuff. We hope you understand." They walked off the dais, the band put their instruments away, the caterer donated the food for the banquet to the homeless, and a sea of disappointed dignitaries descended on Broadway.
If they were telling McDonald's they were seeing other people, no problem, hakuna matata, they've sold all those billions and billions of hamburgers, which makes it hard for McDonald's to really miss a customer.
But this wasn't McDonald's. But Rosa DID deserve a break. And she would get it with a few strings attatched.
NEXT: The Strings!
"Be here! It'll be good!"-Mike W. Barr, a close warm personal friend who used to work at DC Comics
Bye Buckaroos!
Steve
A 6-Part Limited Series
CHAPTER 1
And They Lived Happily Ever After...Then What?
"I think we should start seeing other people."
That rather shocking observation came from Rosa Milano Taylor, half of New York magazine's Power Couple of the Year for 2016 after she woke from a troubled night's sleep at one in the morning in her luxurious penthouse apartment facing Lincoln Center. The other half, Carl Taylor, thought it was just one of those very-real-sounding voices one hears during one's dreams. but his eyelids flew open like cartoon window shades and he tried to stay calm as he asked,
"The incredibly sexy woman I saved from homelessness whose operatic career I helped revive and who went on to be the mother of Carly, Escamillo, Carmen, and Michela while continuing to raise Frasquita and Mercedes from an earlier marriage says WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!"
"Dude," she explained. "Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everything you've done for me and I'm happy that we're being honored tonight for supporting afterschool arts programs and helping kids discover opera,but, let's be honest here. I didn't ASK you to just take me off the street and turn me into the second coming of Beverly Sills. You just jumped right in and made me the star of your own little show."
Carl could not believe his ears. He took a deep breath and replied, "It's not entirely a me thing, no matter what you think. My father once told me evil wins when good does nothing, and seeing people living in boxes on the street,asking you for a quarter when the only thing you can buy for a quarter is a pay phone call and good luck with that, or just running up to you when you spend money in Grand Central Station...well, homelessness has turned good people into evil...well, THINGS. They may remind one of historical interpeters at Colonial Williamsburg or cartoon characters at Disneyland, but they refuse to spend a day of work to get their own money. I saw you and I remembered this talented person, and I wanted to do my best for everybody by turning her back into the wonderful singer she used to be. Another one of my favorite expressions is, "Give a man a fish and he'll have food for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll have food for a lifetime." This wasn't me trying to be a voyeur and casting you as the star of my show, this was me trying to help you return to being the best you you could be."
This failed to make an impression on Rosa who replied,"OK, understood, huzzah for Super-Carl, but every time you introduce me at a party, you say, "This is my formerly homeless opera singer wife," and you ALWAYS refer to it every time we're asked to a fancy Lincoln Center gala!" Carl attempted to explain that he wouldn't do it if it weren't true, but she continued, "And then, there's the kids! Since Phoebe left for Buckingham Palace,I've tried to be a mother, father, AND nanny to all those kids while trying to keep an opera career going. Sorry, buddy, but the Brady Bunch we AIN'T!"
"OK,OK,OK," Carl replied, "I'll call a family meeting."
He hit the siren the PBA gave him as a thank-you gift,picked up a megaphone, and shouted, "FAMILY MEETING IN THE LIVING ROOM IN FIVE MINUTES!" The younger members of Clan Taylor crawled out of bed groaning, "Who died?" (Cam) "Already?" (Keeta) "We have to be sharp for that interview with Kelly and Michael!" (Sadie) "And Justin Bieber was just about to propose!" (Carls) "In case you forgot, ABC 7 has an important Little League game with A.J.Clarke Real Estate today, and Coach wants everybody at their best!" (Carmencita) "WAAAAAAH!" (Kayla)
Mom and Dad sat in the two biggest chairs while the kids all crowded on the couch. Dad said, "Since everybody's present, we'll skip the roll call and get down to business: Your Mom thinks we should start seeing other people."
The kids just sat and stared. The only thing you could hear was crickets chirping.
"I know what you're thinking, but we're not getting the D-word. (Rosa thought, At least not now.) we just need some alone time to get ourselves together, but don't worry, you're still living all together under this roof. We're still in this together, and no matter what, we'll find a way out of this problem. Team Taylor on three!" The family raised their hands, although Rosa hesitated for a moment. "One, two,three...(And everybody shouted,) TEAM TAYLOR!"
Came the dawn, and Carl called HIS Mom and Dad in Buffalo.
"Taylor Residence, Lady of the House speaking."
"Hey,Mom!"
"Hi, Carl, how's everything?"
"Keeta and Sadie are getting ready to shoot WHO DUNN IT?:THE MOVIE in Puerto Rico,Cam is studying acting at the School of the Arts,Carmencita has become the jock of the family, the hockey team calls her Henrietta Lundquist because of all her saves and now she's knocking 'em out of the park in Little League, Kayla had her birthday announced on SUNNY SIDE UP (the preschool version of the TODAY show), Carls is playing Ariel in her school's production of THE LITTLE MERMAID,
and,uh,Rosa..."
"Son, is something wrong with Rosa? Bob, come here. There may be something wrong with your daughter-in-law."
"OK, Carl. Like they used to say on those soaps your mother used to watch, gimme the bad news, Doc. I can take it."
"Rosa thinks we should see other people."
Susan Taylor fainted dead away. Her husband shouted," I KNEW IT! ONCE A VAGRANT, ALWAYS A VAGRANT! YOU'VE BEEN SCAMMED! MISTER, IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU, YOU'LL DROP THAT HARLOT LIKE A BAD HABIT!" and slammed the phone back on its cradle.
Carl thought, Sorry, Dad, but I think I'm going to get a second opinion.
A few hours later, Carl and Rosa changed out of their jammies and into acceptable semi-formal wear before visiting the venerable Hallowell Center, a well-known practice located at the corner of 72nd and Broadway. The doctor listened attentively to both sides, and delivered the final verdict...
"You SHOULD see other people."
But they were still scheduled to attend New York magazine's Power Couple of the Year ceremony that evening. They did, under a great deal of protest from Rosa, who told the MC they wanted to say something before the ceremonies officially began. (He laughed nervously, "You just made my job a little easier.") He threw it to Carl who said, "We would like to thank New York magazine for this honor...I would like to re-emphasize we WOULD like to thank New York magazine for this honor...but we can't."
As the crowd drew a horrified shudder, Rosa explained, "After much soul-searching, we have decided to start seeing other people. We're sorry. We can't be this happy couple fighting for truth,justice and all that other good stuff. We hope you understand." They walked off the dais, the band put their instruments away, the caterer donated the food for the banquet to the homeless, and a sea of disappointed dignitaries descended on Broadway.
If they were telling McDonald's they were seeing other people, no problem, hakuna matata, they've sold all those billions and billions of hamburgers, which makes it hard for McDonald's to really miss a customer.
But this wasn't McDonald's. But Rosa DID deserve a break. And she would get it with a few strings attatched.
NEXT: The Strings!
"Be here! It'll be good!"-Mike W. Barr, a close warm personal friend who used to work at DC Comics
Bye Buckaroos!
Steve
Friday, February 26, 2016
8 We've Got Your Summer Reading Planned!
I hope you enjoyed SONG OF REDEMPTION, our Valentine's Day mini-series, and I'd like to send a shout out to Bettijane Eisenpreis for her support as well as to my muse, an actual homeless who looked more like an opera singer than your standard generic bum. (She gave me the song and dance about change and I sang a little bit of the Habanera in the hope I would rekindle memories of her days as an operatic chanteuse, but all she gave me was a mean look.)
I know, the calendar still says Winter and Spring is just around the corner, but let's talk about Summer reading. From time to time, we will review recent books that would look great at the beach, but on May 27, when Memorial Day Weekend kicks off, we'll turn off the heat with a VERY SPECIAL tribute to the sixtieth anniversary of the theme park. Yep, this is the sixth decade since Walt Disney and his Imagineers introduced Disneyland to a grateful world, and I could go on and on about how Disneyland is the ultimate example of theme parks done right, but instead, this Summer, we proudly (or at least as proudly as possible) present the saga of George Washington Macintosh, who was born at roughly the same time as Walt, but...that would be giving it away!
It's called "THIS HAPPY PLACE," and you can read it at home, in car, at the beach, or EVEN AT WORK, but BE CAREFUL! If you read it on line at a theme park, you might just miss your ride!
Remember, "THIS HAPPY PLACE," coming this Memorial Day Weekend to an internet near you, but like REDEMPTION, it's rated PG-13. Don't say you weren't warned!
BTW, check out LEONARD, William Shatner's look back at his friend and fellow Star Trekker and the memories that will always Live Long and Prosper. On the Steve Sandwich Scale, this rates a "Skip the Sandwich!"
Steve out!
Friday, February 19, 2016
Volume 1, Number 7 Excuse The Cliche, But The Fat Lady Is About To Sing!
IN CASE YOU'RE JUST JOINING US, (and where have YOU been these past four weeks?) Carl Taylor, a music critic for the New York Times, met fallen opera singer Rosa Milano while she was panhandling in front of a fast food place in Lower Manhattan, took her to lunch at a MUCH cooler place at Lincoln Center, bought her a whole new wardrobe, got her some cool temporary digs at a hotel across the street from the Center Plaza, began work on a nightclub act, met her daughters, her ex and his new wife, and (TAH DAH!) is about to become a MARRIED WOMAN!
SONG OF REDEMPTION
A Valentine's Day Aria In Five Stanzas
STANZA THE LAST
Blaze Of Glory
As important as the nightclub act was to Rosa and Carl, it would have to play second fiddle to their new life together. They would have to find a new apartment for themselves, Phoebe and the girls, (1965 Broadway, right next to Alice Tully Hall, where they had that first lunch), get some do-it-yourself supplies (Lowe's) furniture, (Raymour & Flanagan) and everything else at Century 21, and get Tina some new office space and living quarters (same place until Mr. Right came along). They rehearsed the wedding at the Rose Rehearsal Studio, and Carl made sure they had the right wedding planner. On their respective last nights of singlehood, they made sure their last nights of fun went off without a hitch. Carl and his Times buddies chose Dive 75, on 75th Street, and a pal of his who knew someone who knew someone who knew Hugh Hefner brought over a bevy of Playboy Bunnies who brought back the magic of the old Club on 58th and Fifth, and Carl did his best impression of Escamillo, Carmen's bullfighter paramour, by winning both ears and the tail of one of the Bunnies, who, like Carl, was too drunk to care. Rosa had an equally hot bachelorette party at the Empire Hotel's Rooftop Bar (She was also too sloshed to care what Carl would think of the Chippendale's dancers and male strippers.), while Phoebe, Frasquita and Mercedes had a "junior bachelorette" party at what was going to be her old apartment, binge watching all their favorite musicals drinking Shirley Temples and Virgin Marys, and laying waste to a White Castle Hamburger Crave Case, even though Mom once "craved" those little square hamburgers until she saw the light.
The next morning, the scene shifted back to Alice Tully Hall, where Carl, dressed in a bullfighter costume, stood and waited for the arrival of his tag team partner in the match called life. The Julliard String Quartet was there to serenade the guests, and graduates of the school set the mood with a program that included "One Hand, One Heart" from "West Side Story," John Lennon's "Grow Old With Me," (inspired by the poetry of Elizabeth Barrett Browning), and Dan Fogelberg's "Longer," but something was missing.
Ten minutes later, that something arrived to the strains of "Here Comes The Bride", dressed in a white variation of the outfit wore by Carmen before Don Jose stabbed her in a fit of jealousy, accompanied by Keeta and Sadie in white dresses wearing floral headpieces and paving her way. Unfortunately, both Rosa's parents had passed while she was just starting her operatic career, so the police officer charged with guarding her during that transitional period from homeless to star reborn gave her away. Tina was the Maid Of Honor, Carl's old editor was the Best Man, and...
Preacher: "Repeat after me. I, Carl James Taylor..."
"I, Carl James Taylor..."
"Take thee, Rosa Maria Carmen Violetta Anna Milano..."
"Take thee, Rosa Maria Carmen Violetta Anna Milano...."
Nuff Said.
As for anybody who could show just cause why those two should not be wed, Rosa's so-called friends from her homeless days were arrested outside Lincoln Center and Nigel had a tour in Australia. (Poor baby!)
One wild and crazy wedding reception later during which they divulged dates for the nightclub show AND a special charity performance of CARMEN at the Met Opera, the happy couple, kids in tow, (STILL in their wedding finery!) flew off to Disneyland Resort Paris where the highlight of the trip was Frasquita (Elsa) and Mercedes (Anna) and Mom and Dad wearing respective Mickey and Minnie wedding mouse ears posing with Bullfighter Mickey and Gypsy Minnie. After a week at the Happiest Place on Earth, (and a few minutes trying to avoid getting ripped off by the seemingly harmless elderly couple who would take your picture outside the castle and charge you an arm and a leg and two teeth) they took the Channel Tunnel (or "Chunnel") train to London, where they saw Madame Tussaud's, Buckingham Palace, the British Museum, and the legendary night club the Marquee, where FORTUNATELY for them, they completely forgot about this dude named Nigel Evans! But all good things must come to an end, and they returned to the States where they finalized Rosa's move to their new digs, AND put the finishing touches on the nightclub show, which completely sold out Jazz at Lincoln Center's Dizzy's Club Coca-Cola venue. She started with a slowed down version of Patty Smyth's "Goodbye To You," and continued with Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive," both dedicated to Nigel. The highlights of the evening had to be Rosa singing Mary Wells' Smokey Robinson-penned classic "My Guy" to Carl and fellow West Side resident (now living in a better place) John Lennon's "In My Life," which she sang to Keeta and Sadie. (It was a Friday.)
The tough New York music critics were unanimous in their praise, but the best was yet to come: Rosa's return to the Met stage as her favorite character, CARMEN. Carl and Rosa sent invites to all their friends (except Nigel, for obvious reasons) to the performance and after party to benefit Project Renewal, a leading homeless outreach service which sent vans to the Lincoln Square area. Everybody who was anybody showed up, many in their best Spanish outfits, especially Carl, who wore his wedding night outfit. He stood outside the world famous Met Opera House, checking off people who came, when who to his surprise, (and disgust) should show up but Nigel, looking like something the cat dragged in.
"Oh. It's YOU," Carl said, mocking Nigel's tone from their unhappy reunion.
"How's it goin', mate?"
"Everything WAS good until YOU showed up."
"And what the bloody 'ell is THAT supposed to mean?"
"We didn't invite you, we want nothing more to do with you, we just want you out of here."
"What are YOU gonna do, challenge me to a gun fight?"
"That's not me. I've seen guns take John Lennon, innocent victims in Columbine, Sandy Hook, Paris, and San Bernadino and I'll be damned before I deal with some wacko who buys a gun without proper registration. Besides, what are YOU doing looking like a common bum?"
"Oh, didn't you 'ear? NOBODY saw me dates in Australia, NOBODY bought me CD, NOBODY read me book, NOBODY saw me network special, all because YOU and that BIMBO you married turned everybody against me!"
"Don't you remember you made that quote-unquote BIMBO a star?"
Ignoring him, Nigel ranged on, "I've got no money, I 've got nowhere I can 'ang me 'at, I'm now 'OMELESS and I 'ope you're 'appy!"
Carl said, "I wouldn't jump up and down and turn cartwheels because ANYBODY lost their house, but after the way you treated Rosa, Tina and the girls, I believe you got what you deserve."
With unbridled rage in his eyes, Nigel pulled out a knife and shouted, "AND NOW, YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET WHAT YOU DESERVE, MATE!"
A lovely senorita not too far away from all this suddenly ran to the scene, took the mantilla out of her bun, and with Rockette-like precision, kicked the knife out of Nigel's hand and damaged it in the process. Nigel tried to pick up the knife, but the senorita wrestled him to the ground, cuffed him, and revealed her NYPD shield. Carl wiped away the sweat and said, "Thank you, Officer!" She saluted him and smiled, "No problem!" Her mood turned serious and said, "Nigel Evans, it's time for you to sing a different song. Attempted murder, attempted assault, you have the right to remain silent, should you lose the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided to you free of charge. Do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?"
Nigel grumbled, "Perfectly."
The officer said, "We're going to get in touch with Scotland Yard, and as we say over here, they're going to throw you a necktie party and you'll be the only one dancing."
Nigel replied sarcastically, "Ha-bleedin'-HA."
The officer drew a sigh of relief and said, "Nobody dies tonight."
Actually, somebody did. The Gypsy Carmen, after a beautiful duet with the bullfighter Escamillo, was told by her friends Frasquiita and Mercedes that her one-time lover don Jose was right outside the bullring. They greeted each other curtly and don Jose tried to convince Carmen to break with the past and begin a new life with her. Carmen continually broke from his embrace and threw the ring he once gave her, challenging him to kill her or let her pass. In a fit of jealousy aimed at Escamillo, don Jose stabbed Carmen just as the happy crowd left the bullring celebrating Escamillo's victory. Joy turned to horror as they saw blood on the edge of don Jose's knife as he confessed, "Yes, I killed her! Oh, my Carmen, my beloved Carmen!"
Although Carmen died that night, as she did time and time again, Rosa was born again. Just a short time ago, she depended on the kindness of strangers, not always returning that kindness until an old friend opened her mind and heart, steering her away from the man who raised her hopes only to dash those hopes and in the direction of true love, from her daughters, her friends, and the one man who was truly made for her. Who was it who said, "You gotta go through Hell before you get to Heaven?"
Whoever it was, he nailed it. As Rosa took her bows, motioned for Carl, and motioned for Keeta and Sadie, who also sang in the children's chorus during the Changing Of The Guard scene and the bullfighting scene (They were recongnizable as mini-versions of their "Mama Carmen."), she knew that they weren't just applauding a character, they were applauding HER, the REAL Rosa, not this shadow of a person who kept bothering fast food customers, dodging traffic, and interrupting meals just to get something to eat. This was her song of love, her song of redemption, her moment, one that she didn't want to end.
NEXT: Two Epilogues For The Price Of One!
EPILOGUE THE FIRST
A Little Help From My Friends
Rosa lifted her hand, and the applause stopped.
"I would like to thank you all for supporting me in my return to opera, and for supporting Project Renewal. As I found out during my time on the street, panhandling is against the law, so, when somebody walks up to you and asks you for a quarter, please donate that quarter, or whatever you can,to http://www.projectrenewal.org .88% of Project Renewal's funds go directly to providing food,jobs, and medical care to the homeless. You can also follow them at @projectrenewal on Twitter and Facebook and watch their You Tube channel. Again, thank you for supporting me and Project Renewal."
The applause resumed, and many of the guests made their way to the afterparty, although Keeta and Sadie had to run backstage to change because they had school the next day. They were tired, but it was well worth it, for everybody.
EPILOGUE THE SECOND
Who Are You Now?
NIGEL EVANS
was flown back to England to serve time in jail. In a moment of insanity, he walked right in the middle of London rush hour traffic. He was hit by a truck and died instantly. He is buried as John Doe.
TINA WHITE
also flew back to England, but she married a BBC TV presenter with Rosa and Carl's blessings. She has been replaced by a colleague from Miracle Books.
FRASQUITA AND MERCEDES TAYLOR
launched their own showbiz career with a series of bubble gum hits. They can be seen as sister detectives Deena and Donna Dunn on the Disney Channel comedy mystery series, "Who Dunn It?"
CARL TAYLOR
has a number one book on his old paper's best seller list, "My Lady Rosa."
ROSA MILANO TAYLOR
is entertaining audiences at the Met Opera House and all over the world with her portrayals of Donna Anna, Rosina, and of course, Carmen.
CARL AND ROSA
are now the proud parents of Frasquita, Mercedes, Carly, Escamillo, Carmen, and another one on the way.
THE END
SONG OF REDEMPTION
A Valentine's Day Aria In Five Stanzas
STANZA THE LAST
Blaze Of Glory
As important as the nightclub act was to Rosa and Carl, it would have to play second fiddle to their new life together. They would have to find a new apartment for themselves, Phoebe and the girls, (1965 Broadway, right next to Alice Tully Hall, where they had that first lunch), get some do-it-yourself supplies (Lowe's) furniture, (Raymour & Flanagan) and everything else at Century 21, and get Tina some new office space and living quarters (same place until Mr. Right came along). They rehearsed the wedding at the Rose Rehearsal Studio, and Carl made sure they had the right wedding planner. On their respective last nights of singlehood, they made sure their last nights of fun went off without a hitch. Carl and his Times buddies chose Dive 75, on 75th Street, and a pal of his who knew someone who knew someone who knew Hugh Hefner brought over a bevy of Playboy Bunnies who brought back the magic of the old Club on 58th and Fifth, and Carl did his best impression of Escamillo, Carmen's bullfighter paramour, by winning both ears and the tail of one of the Bunnies, who, like Carl, was too drunk to care. Rosa had an equally hot bachelorette party at the Empire Hotel's Rooftop Bar (She was also too sloshed to care what Carl would think of the Chippendale's dancers and male strippers.), while Phoebe, Frasquita and Mercedes had a "junior bachelorette" party at what was going to be her old apartment, binge watching all their favorite musicals drinking Shirley Temples and Virgin Marys, and laying waste to a White Castle Hamburger Crave Case, even though Mom once "craved" those little square hamburgers until she saw the light.
The next morning, the scene shifted back to Alice Tully Hall, where Carl, dressed in a bullfighter costume, stood and waited for the arrival of his tag team partner in the match called life. The Julliard String Quartet was there to serenade the guests, and graduates of the school set the mood with a program that included "One Hand, One Heart" from "West Side Story," John Lennon's "Grow Old With Me," (inspired by the poetry of Elizabeth Barrett Browning), and Dan Fogelberg's "Longer," but something was missing.
Ten minutes later, that something arrived to the strains of "Here Comes The Bride", dressed in a white variation of the outfit wore by Carmen before Don Jose stabbed her in a fit of jealousy, accompanied by Keeta and Sadie in white dresses wearing floral headpieces and paving her way. Unfortunately, both Rosa's parents had passed while she was just starting her operatic career, so the police officer charged with guarding her during that transitional period from homeless to star reborn gave her away. Tina was the Maid Of Honor, Carl's old editor was the Best Man, and...
Preacher: "Repeat after me. I, Carl James Taylor..."
"I, Carl James Taylor..."
"Take thee, Rosa Maria Carmen Violetta Anna Milano..."
"Take thee, Rosa Maria Carmen Violetta Anna Milano...."
Nuff Said.
As for anybody who could show just cause why those two should not be wed, Rosa's so-called friends from her homeless days were arrested outside Lincoln Center and Nigel had a tour in Australia. (Poor baby!)
One wild and crazy wedding reception later during which they divulged dates for the nightclub show AND a special charity performance of CARMEN at the Met Opera, the happy couple, kids in tow, (STILL in their wedding finery!) flew off to Disneyland Resort Paris where the highlight of the trip was Frasquita (Elsa) and Mercedes (Anna) and Mom and Dad wearing respective Mickey and Minnie wedding mouse ears posing with Bullfighter Mickey and Gypsy Minnie. After a week at the Happiest Place on Earth, (and a few minutes trying to avoid getting ripped off by the seemingly harmless elderly couple who would take your picture outside the castle and charge you an arm and a leg and two teeth) they took the Channel Tunnel (or "Chunnel") train to London, where they saw Madame Tussaud's, Buckingham Palace, the British Museum, and the legendary night club the Marquee, where FORTUNATELY for them, they completely forgot about this dude named Nigel Evans! But all good things must come to an end, and they returned to the States where they finalized Rosa's move to their new digs, AND put the finishing touches on the nightclub show, which completely sold out Jazz at Lincoln Center's Dizzy's Club Coca-Cola venue. She started with a slowed down version of Patty Smyth's "Goodbye To You," and continued with Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive," both dedicated to Nigel. The highlights of the evening had to be Rosa singing Mary Wells' Smokey Robinson-penned classic "My Guy" to Carl and fellow West Side resident (now living in a better place) John Lennon's "In My Life," which she sang to Keeta and Sadie. (It was a Friday.)
The tough New York music critics were unanimous in their praise, but the best was yet to come: Rosa's return to the Met stage as her favorite character, CARMEN. Carl and Rosa sent invites to all their friends (except Nigel, for obvious reasons) to the performance and after party to benefit Project Renewal, a leading homeless outreach service which sent vans to the Lincoln Square area. Everybody who was anybody showed up, many in their best Spanish outfits, especially Carl, who wore his wedding night outfit. He stood outside the world famous Met Opera House, checking off people who came, when who to his surprise, (and disgust) should show up but Nigel, looking like something the cat dragged in.
"Oh. It's YOU," Carl said, mocking Nigel's tone from their unhappy reunion.
"How's it goin', mate?"
"Everything WAS good until YOU showed up."
"And what the bloody 'ell is THAT supposed to mean?"
"We didn't invite you, we want nothing more to do with you, we just want you out of here."
"What are YOU gonna do, challenge me to a gun fight?"
"That's not me. I've seen guns take John Lennon, innocent victims in Columbine, Sandy Hook, Paris, and San Bernadino and I'll be damned before I deal with some wacko who buys a gun without proper registration. Besides, what are YOU doing looking like a common bum?"
"Oh, didn't you 'ear? NOBODY saw me dates in Australia, NOBODY bought me CD, NOBODY read me book, NOBODY saw me network special, all because YOU and that BIMBO you married turned everybody against me!"
"Don't you remember you made that quote-unquote BIMBO a star?"
Ignoring him, Nigel ranged on, "I've got no money, I 've got nowhere I can 'ang me 'at, I'm now 'OMELESS and I 'ope you're 'appy!"
Carl said, "I wouldn't jump up and down and turn cartwheels because ANYBODY lost their house, but after the way you treated Rosa, Tina and the girls, I believe you got what you deserve."
With unbridled rage in his eyes, Nigel pulled out a knife and shouted, "AND NOW, YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET WHAT YOU DESERVE, MATE!"
A lovely senorita not too far away from all this suddenly ran to the scene, took the mantilla out of her bun, and with Rockette-like precision, kicked the knife out of Nigel's hand and damaged it in the process. Nigel tried to pick up the knife, but the senorita wrestled him to the ground, cuffed him, and revealed her NYPD shield. Carl wiped away the sweat and said, "Thank you, Officer!" She saluted him and smiled, "No problem!" Her mood turned serious and said, "Nigel Evans, it's time for you to sing a different song. Attempted murder, attempted assault, you have the right to remain silent, should you lose the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided to you free of charge. Do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?"
Nigel grumbled, "Perfectly."
The officer said, "We're going to get in touch with Scotland Yard, and as we say over here, they're going to throw you a necktie party and you'll be the only one dancing."
Nigel replied sarcastically, "Ha-bleedin'-HA."
The officer drew a sigh of relief and said, "Nobody dies tonight."
Actually, somebody did. The Gypsy Carmen, after a beautiful duet with the bullfighter Escamillo, was told by her friends Frasquiita and Mercedes that her one-time lover don Jose was right outside the bullring. They greeted each other curtly and don Jose tried to convince Carmen to break with the past and begin a new life with her. Carmen continually broke from his embrace and threw the ring he once gave her, challenging him to kill her or let her pass. In a fit of jealousy aimed at Escamillo, don Jose stabbed Carmen just as the happy crowd left the bullring celebrating Escamillo's victory. Joy turned to horror as they saw blood on the edge of don Jose's knife as he confessed, "Yes, I killed her! Oh, my Carmen, my beloved Carmen!"
Although Carmen died that night, as she did time and time again, Rosa was born again. Just a short time ago, she depended on the kindness of strangers, not always returning that kindness until an old friend opened her mind and heart, steering her away from the man who raised her hopes only to dash those hopes and in the direction of true love, from her daughters, her friends, and the one man who was truly made for her. Who was it who said, "You gotta go through Hell before you get to Heaven?"
Whoever it was, he nailed it. As Rosa took her bows, motioned for Carl, and motioned for Keeta and Sadie, who also sang in the children's chorus during the Changing Of The Guard scene and the bullfighting scene (They were recongnizable as mini-versions of their "Mama Carmen."), she knew that they weren't just applauding a character, they were applauding HER, the REAL Rosa, not this shadow of a person who kept bothering fast food customers, dodging traffic, and interrupting meals just to get something to eat. This was her song of love, her song of redemption, her moment, one that she didn't want to end.
NEXT: Two Epilogues For The Price Of One!
EPILOGUE THE FIRST
A Little Help From My Friends
Rosa lifted her hand, and the applause stopped.
"I would like to thank you all for supporting me in my return to opera, and for supporting Project Renewal. As I found out during my time on the street, panhandling is against the law, so, when somebody walks up to you and asks you for a quarter, please donate that quarter, or whatever you can,to http://www.projectrenewal.org .88% of Project Renewal's funds go directly to providing food,jobs, and medical care to the homeless. You can also follow them at @projectrenewal on Twitter and Facebook and watch their You Tube channel. Again, thank you for supporting me and Project Renewal."
The applause resumed, and many of the guests made their way to the afterparty, although Keeta and Sadie had to run backstage to change because they had school the next day. They were tired, but it was well worth it, for everybody.
EPILOGUE THE SECOND
Who Are You Now?
NIGEL EVANS
was flown back to England to serve time in jail. In a moment of insanity, he walked right in the middle of London rush hour traffic. He was hit by a truck and died instantly. He is buried as John Doe.
TINA WHITE
also flew back to England, but she married a BBC TV presenter with Rosa and Carl's blessings. She has been replaced by a colleague from Miracle Books.
FRASQUITA AND MERCEDES TAYLOR
launched their own showbiz career with a series of bubble gum hits. They can be seen as sister detectives Deena and Donna Dunn on the Disney Channel comedy mystery series, "Who Dunn It?"
CARL TAYLOR
has a number one book on his old paper's best seller list, "My Lady Rosa."
ROSA MILANO TAYLOR
is entertaining audiences at the Met Opera House and all over the world with her portrayals of Donna Anna, Rosina, and of course, Carmen.
CARL AND ROSA
are now the proud parents of Frasquita, Mercedes, Carly, Escamillo, Carmen, and another one on the way.
THE END
Monday, February 15, 2016
Volume 1, Number 6 Look Out. Loretta!
PREVIOUSLY in SONG OF REDEMPTION
After setting up a bank account and getting the proper legal ID, Carl and Rosa attempt to surprise Nigel and tell him they need him like a fish needs a bicycle, but the surprise is on them when they meet his new fiance and Rosa's "ex-daughters" who have been renamed by Nigel after singing like canaries about Rosa's nightclub show. Rehearsals are still a long ways off, so Rosa treats Carl to CREED, the latest movie in the Rocky saga, but like Mr. Balboa and his protege Adonis Creed, they don't plan to stay on the canvas very long!
AND NOW....
SONG OF REDEMPTION
A Valentine's Day Aria In Five Stanzas
Dedicated, With Affection, To
AGNES NIXON
And to the memory of All Your Children in Pine Valley
and Llanview. We may only have One Life To Live, but your
legacy will live on forever in our hearts.
STANZA THE FOURTH
Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now
The next few weeks and months went by like a blur. Rosa trying on wardrobe, adding numbers, dropping numbers,exercising her vocal cords, exercising her abs,watching other acts at clubs all over Manhattan, and Carl keeping it all together as best he could. They were so busy that her ex Whatshisname, his wife Whatchamacallit, and their daughters Whoozis and Whatzis were the furthest things from their minds, UNTIL...
Rosa and Carl were on their way to the New York Public Library for the Performing Arts to research
Broadway shows and operas for the act, when they heard a familiar voice saying, "Excuse us, ladies and gentlemen, but we're out on the street. Could you please spare some change?" As they turned around, they found Tina, Charlotte, Emily, and even Phoebe each holding a surprisingly slickly produced ad saying
NIGEL EVANS
Worst (Boss/Dad/Husband) Ever!
(Facing the copy was a picture of Nigel photoshopped with devil horns.)
We are here on the street because Nigel Evans, a rock and roll legend in his own mind, didn't like the way his wife Tina White (Tina White Evans until recently) edited his new autobiography, "Nigel: A Life In The Spotlight," He literally snatched the ring off Tina's finger and then unleashed hell on two innocent bystanders, his daughters from a prior marriage, Charlotte and Emily, and their faithful nanny Phoebe Figalilly. Behind Nigel's rock god facade is a sexist pervert who thinks he can just throw women away like cigarette butts. (For the record, Tina has been sacked as the Editor-In-Chief of Miracle Books because management objects to homeless employees.) We implore you to boycott Nigel's upcoming concert at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn and to not watch or record his upcoming interview on 60 MINUTES, and we also encourage bills no matter what the denomination,
(It can be a single or a hundred.) MetroCards, or gift cards to restaurants. Every little (or big) bit helps, so please give generously.
HELP US TODAY!
Paid for with our very last money by Tina White Evans, Charlotte Evans, Emily Evans, and Phoebe Figalilly
Rosa and Carl saw the four reluctant panhandlers wearing brightly colored baseball caps, T-shirts, and tour jackets, all emblazoned with the word HOMELESS. Carl tagged Rosa and she ran to the nearest ATM where she pulled out four hundred dollars. She ran back and gave Carl ten twenties which he gave to Tina and Phoebe. She gave the rest to her daughters, and all smiled gratefully. Carl held out a hand, and motioned to all three ladies to follow him to the Y. He asked the receptionist to open the safe, and the receptionist produced a Tiffany box. He slumped to one knee and said, "Rosa Maria Carmen Violetta Anna Milano, we have been friends and business partners for the past few weeks, but the most important piece in the puzzle has been missing until now. Will you find that piece and make me the happiest man in the universe by agreeing to be Mrs. Carl Taylor?" She opened the box, found a glittering ring, and laugh/cried, "Yes!" while the other ladies threw their Homeless caps in the air because that particular chapter in the story was about to end. He turned to Tina and said, "First of all, I'm sorry for what I said that last time, second of all, how would you like to be the Vice President for Public Relations of CRT, Carl and Rosa Taylor Entertainment?" She responded with a grateful bear hug. Rosa looked at her daughters and said, "Welcome back, Frasquita and Mercedes!" Charlotte replied, "We kinda liked the new names!" Rosa was completely taken aback. "Wait,what?" Charlotte explained, "Some kids called me Mosquito," and Emily finished, "And some kids called me Yugo!" Rosa answered, "WELL, the next time they do that, tell them their parents can expect phone calls and strongly worded emails from us!" They ran toward their new dad and their returning mom. A few hours, Nigel logged onto his Twitter account and found a photo of Carl, Rosa, Tina, Char... I mean, Frasquita, and Em...I mean, Mercedes, all saluting him with a middle finger. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy!
NEXT: The Wedding! The Club Act! Rosa Returns To The Opera Stage! Nigel's Final Fate! Face it, friend, THIS ONE HAS IT ALL!
Steve out!
After setting up a bank account and getting the proper legal ID, Carl and Rosa attempt to surprise Nigel and tell him they need him like a fish needs a bicycle, but the surprise is on them when they meet his new fiance and Rosa's "ex-daughters" who have been renamed by Nigel after singing like canaries about Rosa's nightclub show. Rehearsals are still a long ways off, so Rosa treats Carl to CREED, the latest movie in the Rocky saga, but like Mr. Balboa and his protege Adonis Creed, they don't plan to stay on the canvas very long!
AND NOW....
SONG OF REDEMPTION
A Valentine's Day Aria In Five Stanzas
Dedicated, With Affection, To
AGNES NIXON
And to the memory of All Your Children in Pine Valley
and Llanview. We may only have One Life To Live, but your
legacy will live on forever in our hearts.
STANZA THE FOURTH
Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now
The next few weeks and months went by like a blur. Rosa trying on wardrobe, adding numbers, dropping numbers,exercising her vocal cords, exercising her abs,watching other acts at clubs all over Manhattan, and Carl keeping it all together as best he could. They were so busy that her ex Whatshisname, his wife Whatchamacallit, and their daughters Whoozis and Whatzis were the furthest things from their minds, UNTIL...
Rosa and Carl were on their way to the New York Public Library for the Performing Arts to research
Broadway shows and operas for the act, when they heard a familiar voice saying, "Excuse us, ladies and gentlemen, but we're out on the street. Could you please spare some change?" As they turned around, they found Tina, Charlotte, Emily, and even Phoebe each holding a surprisingly slickly produced ad saying
NIGEL EVANS
Worst (Boss/Dad/Husband) Ever!
(Facing the copy was a picture of Nigel photoshopped with devil horns.)
We are here on the street because Nigel Evans, a rock and roll legend in his own mind, didn't like the way his wife Tina White (Tina White Evans until recently) edited his new autobiography, "Nigel: A Life In The Spotlight," He literally snatched the ring off Tina's finger and then unleashed hell on two innocent bystanders, his daughters from a prior marriage, Charlotte and Emily, and their faithful nanny Phoebe Figalilly. Behind Nigel's rock god facade is a sexist pervert who thinks he can just throw women away like cigarette butts. (For the record, Tina has been sacked as the Editor-In-Chief of Miracle Books because management objects to homeless employees.) We implore you to boycott Nigel's upcoming concert at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn and to not watch or record his upcoming interview on 60 MINUTES, and we also encourage bills no matter what the denomination,
(It can be a single or a hundred.) MetroCards, or gift cards to restaurants. Every little (or big) bit helps, so please give generously.
HELP US TODAY!
Paid for with our very last money by Tina White Evans, Charlotte Evans, Emily Evans, and Phoebe Figalilly
Rosa and Carl saw the four reluctant panhandlers wearing brightly colored baseball caps, T-shirts, and tour jackets, all emblazoned with the word HOMELESS. Carl tagged Rosa and she ran to the nearest ATM where she pulled out four hundred dollars. She ran back and gave Carl ten twenties which he gave to Tina and Phoebe. She gave the rest to her daughters, and all smiled gratefully. Carl held out a hand, and motioned to all three ladies to follow him to the Y. He asked the receptionist to open the safe, and the receptionist produced a Tiffany box. He slumped to one knee and said, "Rosa Maria Carmen Violetta Anna Milano, we have been friends and business partners for the past few weeks, but the most important piece in the puzzle has been missing until now. Will you find that piece and make me the happiest man in the universe by agreeing to be Mrs. Carl Taylor?" She opened the box, found a glittering ring, and laugh/cried, "Yes!" while the other ladies threw their Homeless caps in the air because that particular chapter in the story was about to end. He turned to Tina and said, "First of all, I'm sorry for what I said that last time, second of all, how would you like to be the Vice President for Public Relations of CRT, Carl and Rosa Taylor Entertainment?" She responded with a grateful bear hug. Rosa looked at her daughters and said, "Welcome back, Frasquita and Mercedes!" Charlotte replied, "We kinda liked the new names!" Rosa was completely taken aback. "Wait,what?" Charlotte explained, "Some kids called me Mosquito," and Emily finished, "And some kids called me Yugo!" Rosa answered, "WELL, the next time they do that, tell them their parents can expect phone calls and strongly worded emails from us!" They ran toward their new dad and their returning mom. A few hours, Nigel logged onto his Twitter account and found a photo of Carl, Rosa, Tina, Char... I mean, Frasquita, and Em...I mean, Mercedes, all saluting him with a middle finger. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy!
NEXT: The Wedding! The Club Act! Rosa Returns To The Opera Stage! Nigel's Final Fate! Face it, friend, THIS ONE HAS IT ALL!
Steve out!
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Volume 1, Number 5 In The Home Stretch!
APREVIOUSLY in SONG OF REDEMPTION...
Our modern day Henry Higgins, Carl Taylor, and his Eliza Doolittle, Rosa Milano who forgot until just a few days ago that she and her then-husband Nigel and their daughters, Keeta and Sadie, met him at a brunch at the late, great Lincoln Center-area eatery Josefina, (Another plothole plugged by Ye Scrivener.) informed her offspring about Mom's return from the streets to superstardom and told them not to let the Pater know anything about it until the time was right. They have taken care of food, clothing, and housing, at the American Table Café at Lincoln Center, the Shops at Columbus Circle, and the five-star Empire Hotel facing Lincoln Center, respectively. (Richard Dreyfuss, take note, this lady, who is about to stop being Down And Out In New York, is about to have it WAAAAAY better than your character in that movie set in Beverly Hills based on the play "Boudou Saved From Drowning". As I recalled, he STAYED homeless as the movie ended. Suffice it to say, THAT will NOT happen on MY watch!)
AND NOW...
SONG OF REDEMPTION
A Valentine's Day Aria In Five Stanzas
(I received a complaint about Rosa's language last time, but I DID say the story was PG-13. I WILL try and tone down the language, but I'm still just trying to keep it real. BTW, this is STILL a work of fiction, although some actual names of people and places are used for the sake of authenticity, and any similarity between a fictional character and an actual person without satiric intent is purely coincidental.)
STANZA THE THIRD
I Get Along Without You Very Well
The closest thing Rosa had to a nice piping hot shower in that period of homelessness was a stinging hot shower at a shelter in the Bronx. (She escaped with her life, scrounged two bucks, and took a train to Lower Manhattan, where our story began.) This time, she got the real thing, and the Caswell-Massey soap didn't hurt. After she got her morning news fix from GMA, (One of her guilty pleasures was hearing Jen Anniston as Rachel asking, "Who's George Snuffle-upagus?" after her friend Rachel saw George STEFANOPOLOUS, ABC News' Senior Anchor and the host of GMA through her binoculars, or as Rosa liked calling 'em, "opera glasses.") she met Carl at the Lincoln Square branch of JP Morgan Chase Bank, where they were going to set up her accounts. The only problem was, Nigel didn't want her to travel out of state, (Her passport was next on the agenda.) and the account executive needed proof that this was THE Rosa Milano. Carl looked at Rosa, and... well, how's this for proof?
THE HABANERA from CARMEN, an opera in four acts by Georges Bizet, libretto by Henri Meilhac and Ludovic Halevy, based on the novel by Prosper Merimee. Public Domain
"L'amour est enfant de Boheme,
I'l na jamais jamais connu de loi.
Si tou n'aimes pas,j'taime.
Si je t'aime, prends garde a toi!
(Carl sang, "Prends garde a toi" twice and attempted a Gypsy handclap, to the chagrin of more than a few customers.)
Si tou n'aimes pas, si tou n'aimes pas,j'taime.
Mais si jr t'aime,si je t'aime, prends garde a toi!"
(Love is a Gypsy child. He has never ever known law. If I don't love you, you love me. If I love you, be on guard!)
"OK, OK, I believe you!," the executive screamed after hearing Rosa belt out the Habanera, the song Carmen sings in the first act when the soldiers ask her when she'll fall in love. The act of turning Rosa back into a legitimate citizen of New York City and State and the United States of America took a good six hours,but after all the "T's" were crossed and "I's" dotted, it was time to actually work on the act, but not without meeting (Dum-dum-DUMMMMM!) Nigel. They returned to the Lincoln Square building that Nigel requested Rosa vacated, and a few selfies with the staff later, Rosa finally made it back to the old apartment, Carl in tow. She rang the bell and heard a slightly drunk voice shouting, "'Ey now, what's all this then?" He finally made it to the door.
"Oh. It's YOU."
" Good to see you too, Nigel. You remember Carl Taylor from that brunch at Josefina, right?
He shook Carl's hand as if it were a dead fish, and said, insincerely, "Good to see ya, again, guv'nor."
Carl replied, "The pleasure is all yours, mate."
"To what I owe the pleasure of this surprise meeting?"
"Well, Nije, I found your significant other freezing to death on Canal Street and we both agreed she deserved something bet..."
""Old it right there, Carl, there's someone I want you to meet. TINA! CHARLOTTE! EMILY!'
A beautiful English rose appeared on cue...along with 'Quita and Sadie. Why did they answer to two different names?
"Carl and, uh, Rosa, meet me lovely fiance, Tina White, and our two lovely daughters, Charlotte and Em..."
Rosa almost had a relapse back into her homeless phase. "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, BUSTER! YOU CAN'T JUST RENAME 'QUITA AND SADIE WITHOUT GOING THROUGH ME FIRST!"
Nigel replied, "OH yes I can! And I was just about to introduce the lovely Tina White, editor-in-chief at Miracle Books."
Tina said with a laugh," Remember our tagline, if it's a good book, it's a Miracle!"
Rosa replied without smiling, "Ha-ha. Nigel, why did you dump me for THIS bimbo? I thought you wanted to help me bring opera to more people, even let me try different genres!"
Nigel explained, "I got tired of all those fat ladies in helmets shouting at the top of their voices, and I changed the names of my daughters to those of the Bronte sisters, two proper British authors."
Rosa screamed, "YOUR daughters?!?! Since when are they YOUR daughters?!?!?"
"Since I took them out to A Salt and Battery on Greenwich for fish and chips and they blurted out the fact that you're coming back with your own nightclub act. By the way, congratulations."
Rosa turned a bright red. "MATA HARI! TOKYO ROSE! I HAVE NO DAUGHTERS! Why in the name of all that's holy do you need this new life?"
Nigel explained, "I wanted to write my own rock and roll bio, so what better way than to literally get in bed with an editor?"
Tina said, "My Nigey is a better writer than all those poor shmoes who keep bombarding me with manuscripts. Everyday I read them, then send them back with form letters saying, "I hear the post office is hiring,"
Carl pointed a finger at TIna, "So, that was YOU, you harlot!"
Tina replied, "Relax, Yank! We also have our own self-publishing service, multiple copies, your book on every platform known to man,copyright, ISBN number, all for the incredible low price of YOUR LIFE with a small service charge of EVERYTHING YOU OWN ON EARTH!"
Carl beckoned to Rosa, "Come on, Rosie, we don't need THESE guys! We've got a show to put on, and nothing's gonna stand in our way!"
When they made it to the street level Rosa looked at Carl.
"You know what?"
"No, what?"
"I've always loved U-nited Artists' 1976 classic ROCKY starring Sylvester Stallone, Talia Shire, and Carl Weathers in a great American underdog story. The remake, CREED, is now playing over at the Lincoln Square. You up?"
"You're on, buddy!"
Not exactly the most romantic way to spend a Valentine's Day, but, hey, whatever works, works!
NEXT: Stunning new developments in Carl's relationship with Rosa and Nigel's relationship with Tina and whatever the heck their names are! We finally get a look at the nightclub act AND Rosa's return to opera! Be here!
ALOHA!
Our modern day Henry Higgins, Carl Taylor, and his Eliza Doolittle, Rosa Milano who forgot until just a few days ago that she and her then-husband Nigel and their daughters, Keeta and Sadie, met him at a brunch at the late, great Lincoln Center-area eatery Josefina, (Another plothole plugged by Ye Scrivener.) informed her offspring about Mom's return from the streets to superstardom and told them not to let the Pater know anything about it until the time was right. They have taken care of food, clothing, and housing, at the American Table Café at Lincoln Center, the Shops at Columbus Circle, and the five-star Empire Hotel facing Lincoln Center, respectively. (Richard Dreyfuss, take note, this lady, who is about to stop being Down And Out In New York, is about to have it WAAAAAY better than your character in that movie set in Beverly Hills based on the play "Boudou Saved From Drowning". As I recalled, he STAYED homeless as the movie ended. Suffice it to say, THAT will NOT happen on MY watch!)
AND NOW...
SONG OF REDEMPTION
A Valentine's Day Aria In Five Stanzas
(I received a complaint about Rosa's language last time, but I DID say the story was PG-13. I WILL try and tone down the language, but I'm still just trying to keep it real. BTW, this is STILL a work of fiction, although some actual names of people and places are used for the sake of authenticity, and any similarity between a fictional character and an actual person without satiric intent is purely coincidental.)
STANZA THE THIRD
I Get Along Without You Very Well
The closest thing Rosa had to a nice piping hot shower in that period of homelessness was a stinging hot shower at a shelter in the Bronx. (She escaped with her life, scrounged two bucks, and took a train to Lower Manhattan, where our story began.) This time, she got the real thing, and the Caswell-Massey soap didn't hurt. After she got her morning news fix from GMA, (One of her guilty pleasures was hearing Jen Anniston as Rachel asking, "Who's George Snuffle-upagus?" after her friend Rachel saw George STEFANOPOLOUS, ABC News' Senior Anchor and the host of GMA through her binoculars, or as Rosa liked calling 'em, "opera glasses.") she met Carl at the Lincoln Square branch of JP Morgan Chase Bank, where they were going to set up her accounts. The only problem was, Nigel didn't want her to travel out of state, (Her passport was next on the agenda.) and the account executive needed proof that this was THE Rosa Milano. Carl looked at Rosa, and... well, how's this for proof?
THE HABANERA from CARMEN, an opera in four acts by Georges Bizet, libretto by Henri Meilhac and Ludovic Halevy, based on the novel by Prosper Merimee. Public Domain
"L'amour est enfant de Boheme,
I'l na jamais jamais connu de loi.
Si tou n'aimes pas,j'taime.
Si je t'aime, prends garde a toi!
(Carl sang, "Prends garde a toi" twice and attempted a Gypsy handclap, to the chagrin of more than a few customers.)
Si tou n'aimes pas, si tou n'aimes pas,j'taime.
Mais si jr t'aime,si je t'aime, prends garde a toi!"
(Love is a Gypsy child. He has never ever known law. If I don't love you, you love me. If I love you, be on guard!)
"OK, OK, I believe you!," the executive screamed after hearing Rosa belt out the Habanera, the song Carmen sings in the first act when the soldiers ask her when she'll fall in love. The act of turning Rosa back into a legitimate citizen of New York City and State and the United States of America took a good six hours,but after all the "T's" were crossed and "I's" dotted, it was time to actually work on the act, but not without meeting (Dum-dum-DUMMMMM!) Nigel. They returned to the Lincoln Square building that Nigel requested Rosa vacated, and a few selfies with the staff later, Rosa finally made it back to the old apartment, Carl in tow. She rang the bell and heard a slightly drunk voice shouting, "'Ey now, what's all this then?" He finally made it to the door.
"Oh. It's YOU."
" Good to see you too, Nigel. You remember Carl Taylor from that brunch at Josefina, right?
He shook Carl's hand as if it were a dead fish, and said, insincerely, "Good to see ya, again, guv'nor."
Carl replied, "The pleasure is all yours, mate."
"To what I owe the pleasure of this surprise meeting?"
"Well, Nije, I found your significant other freezing to death on Canal Street and we both agreed she deserved something bet..."
""Old it right there, Carl, there's someone I want you to meet. TINA! CHARLOTTE! EMILY!'
A beautiful English rose appeared on cue...along with 'Quita and Sadie. Why did they answer to two different names?
"Carl and, uh, Rosa, meet me lovely fiance, Tina White, and our two lovely daughters, Charlotte and Em..."
Rosa almost had a relapse back into her homeless phase. "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, BUSTER! YOU CAN'T JUST RENAME 'QUITA AND SADIE WITHOUT GOING THROUGH ME FIRST!"
Nigel replied, "OH yes I can! And I was just about to introduce the lovely Tina White, editor-in-chief at Miracle Books."
Tina said with a laugh," Remember our tagline, if it's a good book, it's a Miracle!"
Rosa replied without smiling, "Ha-ha. Nigel, why did you dump me for THIS bimbo? I thought you wanted to help me bring opera to more people, even let me try different genres!"
Nigel explained, "I got tired of all those fat ladies in helmets shouting at the top of their voices, and I changed the names of my daughters to those of the Bronte sisters, two proper British authors."
Rosa screamed, "YOUR daughters?!?! Since when are they YOUR daughters?!?!?"
"Since I took them out to A Salt and Battery on Greenwich for fish and chips and they blurted out the fact that you're coming back with your own nightclub act. By the way, congratulations."
Rosa turned a bright red. "MATA HARI! TOKYO ROSE! I HAVE NO DAUGHTERS! Why in the name of all that's holy do you need this new life?"
Nigel explained, "I wanted to write my own rock and roll bio, so what better way than to literally get in bed with an editor?"
Tina said, "My Nigey is a better writer than all those poor shmoes who keep bombarding me with manuscripts. Everyday I read them, then send them back with form letters saying, "I hear the post office is hiring,"
Carl pointed a finger at TIna, "So, that was YOU, you harlot!"
Tina replied, "Relax, Yank! We also have our own self-publishing service, multiple copies, your book on every platform known to man,copyright, ISBN number, all for the incredible low price of YOUR LIFE with a small service charge of EVERYTHING YOU OWN ON EARTH!"
Carl beckoned to Rosa, "Come on, Rosie, we don't need THESE guys! We've got a show to put on, and nothing's gonna stand in our way!"
When they made it to the street level Rosa looked at Carl.
"You know what?"
"No, what?"
"I've always loved U-nited Artists' 1976 classic ROCKY starring Sylvester Stallone, Talia Shire, and Carl Weathers in a great American underdog story. The remake, CREED, is now playing over at the Lincoln Square. You up?"
"You're on, buddy!"
Not exactly the most romantic way to spend a Valentine's Day, but, hey, whatever works, works!
NEXT: Stunning new developments in Carl's relationship with Rosa and Nigel's relationship with Tina and whatever the heck their names are! We finally get a look at the nightclub act AND Rosa's return to opera! Be here!
ALOHA!
Friday, February 5, 2016
First of All, THIS Is Volume 1, Number 4! SORRY! Secondly, Our Series Continues...
PREVIOUSLY in SONG OF REDEMPTION...
We met Rosa Milano, an opera superstar and proud mother of two beautiful daughters who was kicked out of the New York City luxury apartment she shared with those daughters and her insanely jealous manager-husband and reduced from a media phenom to a common bum. She was caught panhandling outside a restaurant intended as a low-price, quick-service place for people on the go, but reduced to a homeless hotel, and her spotter, music critic Carl Taylor, decided the only way for her was up and dragged her, almost kicking and screaming, to a nice lunch place in Lincoln Center.
AND NOW....
(Actually, I gotta answer a comment about Ye Olde Book Blogge. This is BOTH a showcase for reviews of books by other people AND a launching pad for my new and original books without benefit, if you can call it that, of Amazon.)
AND NOW....
SONG OF REDEMPTION
A Valentine's Day Aria In Five Stanzas
This story may contain inappropriate material for readers under 13. Parental discretion is advised.
This is a work of fiction. Most of the characters and institutions are products of the author's imagination, and the author claims no responsibility for any similarity to any actual person,living or dead,or any actual institution. It is not intended. All trademarks are the property of their respective owners, and there are allusions to copyrighted material. The absence of the symbols (C) (R) and (TM) is not meant to imply any ignorance of legal status.
Stanza The Second
BACK IN A NEW YORK GROOVE
"I GOTTA PEE!"
That's what Rosa announced to the doorman of Carl's building on River Terrace in Battery Park City, the small town within Lower Manhattan that begins at the southernmost tip of the borough and extends up to Chambers Street, where the Borough of Manhattan Community College, Municipal Building, and City Hall are located. The reason for that um, IMPORTANT, bit of information was her chaperone's need to race up to his apartment and change into an outfit more appropriate for the next order of business and the discomfort that arose as a result. The doorman told her to take a deep breath and count to ten. She complied, and by the time she got to eight, there was Carl, wearing a Lacoste golf shirt and a pair of Dockers. He thought it selfie material if they walked to the subway arm in arm like Dorothy and her friends on their way to Oz, but she still didn't entirely trust him, and so, they walked to the 1 train next to each other, not looking at each other.
One long, silent train ride later, they made it to the Lincoln Center station, and Carl quickly pulled her away from the person sitting on the bench who looked like he, too, didn't own a residence. They took the stairway at 65th and Broadway, and they were right outside Alice Tully Hall, a futuristic building that housed the Julliard School, public television station Thirteen WNET, and the American Table Cafe. Ever the gentleman, Carl opened the door for Rosa, who made a beeline for the rest room. (Even though she didn't trust him, she knew her chances of getting her daughters, heck, her LIFE back, would be slim to none with a full moon on her black pants.). Ten minutes and a loud flush later, Rosa emerged from the rest room (leaving both parties VERY relieved!) and they walked to the American Table Cafe, a restaurant dedicated to reflecting the richness of the American cultural and culinary tradition. As they walked in, the color returned to her face and she clapped along with the music and, imitating the sexy voice of a young singer from the Brewster Projects of Detroit born Diane Ross, sang, "Baby,baby,baby,baby, baby don't leave me..." Yes, the words of the Supremes' Motown classic "Where Did Our Love Go?", resonated strongly with her, especially since Nigel. who she once either called Baby or Babe, depending on the mood, was very much out of love with her.Carl said with a laugh, "You must really hate that song." She laughed back, "Yeah, I hate it so much, I want to kill it with this stinky old voice that hasn't been on a stage in, I dunno, four months?"
After Carl ordered two roasted chicken sandwiches, two soups of the day, and two hot chocolates, he explained, "The reason I plucked you off the street like a daisy is I can help you back." She laughed, "On a critic's salary?"
A FEW WEEKS AGO:
Carl may have worked for the New York Times, but his favorite TV news was WABC-TV, ABC 7 Eyewitness News, which some people compared unfavorably to the Post, but there were a lot of things ABC 7 did better than the other locals, one of them live lottery numbers. He kept playing the Powerball until the jackpot hit a billion. With card in trembling hand, he stared transfixed at the screen until Yolanda Vega, the Vanna White of the New York Lottery, read the numbers as the ping pong balls they were on jumped through the tubes. As she read, the more they matched the numbers on Carl's card, until it dawned on him...HE WON A DOLLAR BILL WITH NINE ZEROES! He told family and friends, but he still loved the Times and he wanted to keep his job, so he opted for the monthly payments.
"O-M-Good-G," Rosa exclaimed. "I've been one of your biggest fans for the longest time and I want to get you back to the top of the heap," Carl replied. Their hot chocolates came. Carl raised his mug and proposed a toast "TO THE FUTURE!" After the nice, hot meal, which exceeded Rosa's expectations, he called his friends at the Times, News, Post, Newsday, and broadcast stations and said, "Drop what you're doing, 'cause I have a story for you!"
All those entities replied in almost one voice: "WAIT. WHAT?!?"
"I, Carl Taylor, am now the EXCLUSIVE MANAGER of the legendary Rosa Milano, and we are working on a nightclub act that's gonna knock it out of the park!"
Within hours, ET, Access, TMZ and DISH NATION all pounced on the story like a pride of lions, but the two most important people in Rosa's life had yet to find out. Carl and Rosa were about to head over to The Shops at Columbus Circle to get her a very un-homeless-like wardrobe, but she insisted they make a stop at Professional Children's School. The closing bell rang at 3, and Phoebe, the nanny who stayed with Nigel just because of the girls, walked them out, when, she saw...
"MISS ROSA! What on God's green Earth are you doing here! I thought you died!"
"It sure as heck felt like it. Can I talk to Frasquita and Mercedes?"
Carl recalled, "Carmen was such a favorite character of yours to sing that you named your daughters after her Gypsy friends, am I right?"
She laughed, "You've been doing your homework. Come to Mommy, Keeta and Sadie, and gimme a big hug!"
They were all too happy to oblige.
"How's Daddy treating you? "Keeta replied,"He's been taking us to see the dinosaurs."
"At the Natural History Museum?"
Sadie explained,"No, Silly, at the Rolling Stones concert!"
"Well, that's not the worst thing he's done. Has he done anything REALLY terrible?"
Keeta said,""He has all his old buddies over for grown-up parties and they keep drinking and smoking and shouting and all the smoke keeps waking us up."
"No way!"
Both Keeta and Sadie replied,"Way!"
"Remember when Uncle Carl stopped by for brunch?"
They ran towards him and almost knocked him to the ground. He laughed, "Chill, ladies! I'm about to make your mom a huge star again, but DON'T TELL YOUR OLD MAN! Don't let him NEAR a TV, radio, or even a newspaper, copy?"
They saluted and replied, "YES, SIR!" (They DID let him turn on Nick, Disney, and Sprout.In a kid's world, THAT is must-see TV)
:And don't tell him you saw us, PROMISE?"
"Cross our hearts and hope to die!"
A few hugs later, Keeta, Sadie, and Phoebe headed back to the apartment, and kept the 800-pound gorilla hidden in the room.
Having made contact with old friends, Carl and Rosa took advantage of his Titanium AMEX Card and created a new wardrobe with the help of everybody from Armani Exchange to Wolford. They then repaired to the Empire Hotel, the closest to Lincoln Center. (While Lincoln Center, although driven by John D. Rockefeller III and Robert Moses, clearly owes a debt to Walt Disney's entertainment complex, a section of the area is even named Disney Walk in his honor, they made the unfortunate mistake of not taking a page from his book and authorizing hotel construction on the grounds.) Carl informed the concierge that this was THE Rosa Milano, THE former opera star back on the ascendancy and worthy of their best service, but still, in the eyes of the law, a homeless person,and he wanted (and got) 24-hour protection from the NYPD and a private security guard. Just for good measure, he informed Rosa he had the BRC (a major New York homeless outreach organization) and the FDNY EMT's on speed dial, but she stayed out of trouble, listening to opera on Spotify thanks to the Empire's free Wi-Fi and catching up with her all-time favorites, THE BIG BANG THEORY and DOWNTON ABBEY. As she settled in, Carl returned to his River Terrace home, packed a few things, and moved to his temporary quarters at the West Side Y (He didn't want to blow ALL his winnings!) at 63rd and Central Park West, where he got ready for the exciting few weeks ahead.
NEXT: JUST THREE EPISODES LEFT BEFORE THE EXCITING CONCLUSION! (Can ya believe it?) Rosa's nightclub act! Rosa and Carl meet the ex! (If you have a delicate constitution, I DON'T recommend reading this one!) AND...Is there a new Mrs. Nigel on the horizon? Miss a little, miss a lot!
Steve out!
We met Rosa Milano, an opera superstar and proud mother of two beautiful daughters who was kicked out of the New York City luxury apartment she shared with those daughters and her insanely jealous manager-husband and reduced from a media phenom to a common bum. She was caught panhandling outside a restaurant intended as a low-price, quick-service place for people on the go, but reduced to a homeless hotel, and her spotter, music critic Carl Taylor, decided the only way for her was up and dragged her, almost kicking and screaming, to a nice lunch place in Lincoln Center.
AND NOW....
(Actually, I gotta answer a comment about Ye Olde Book Blogge. This is BOTH a showcase for reviews of books by other people AND a launching pad for my new and original books without benefit, if you can call it that, of Amazon.)
AND NOW....
SONG OF REDEMPTION
A Valentine's Day Aria In Five Stanzas
This story may contain inappropriate material for readers under 13. Parental discretion is advised.
This is a work of fiction. Most of the characters and institutions are products of the author's imagination, and the author claims no responsibility for any similarity to any actual person,living or dead,or any actual institution. It is not intended. All trademarks are the property of their respective owners, and there are allusions to copyrighted material. The absence of the symbols (C) (R) and (TM) is not meant to imply any ignorance of legal status.
Stanza The Second
BACK IN A NEW YORK GROOVE
"I GOTTA PEE!"
That's what Rosa announced to the doorman of Carl's building on River Terrace in Battery Park City, the small town within Lower Manhattan that begins at the southernmost tip of the borough and extends up to Chambers Street, where the Borough of Manhattan Community College, Municipal Building, and City Hall are located. The reason for that um, IMPORTANT, bit of information was her chaperone's need to race up to his apartment and change into an outfit more appropriate for the next order of business and the discomfort that arose as a result. The doorman told her to take a deep breath and count to ten. She complied, and by the time she got to eight, there was Carl, wearing a Lacoste golf shirt and a pair of Dockers. He thought it selfie material if they walked to the subway arm in arm like Dorothy and her friends on their way to Oz, but she still didn't entirely trust him, and so, they walked to the 1 train next to each other, not looking at each other.
One long, silent train ride later, they made it to the Lincoln Center station, and Carl quickly pulled her away from the person sitting on the bench who looked like he, too, didn't own a residence. They took the stairway at 65th and Broadway, and they were right outside Alice Tully Hall, a futuristic building that housed the Julliard School, public television station Thirteen WNET, and the American Table Cafe. Ever the gentleman, Carl opened the door for Rosa, who made a beeline for the rest room. (Even though she didn't trust him, she knew her chances of getting her daughters, heck, her LIFE back, would be slim to none with a full moon on her black pants.). Ten minutes and a loud flush later, Rosa emerged from the rest room (leaving both parties VERY relieved!) and they walked to the American Table Cafe, a restaurant dedicated to reflecting the richness of the American cultural and culinary tradition. As they walked in, the color returned to her face and she clapped along with the music and, imitating the sexy voice of a young singer from the Brewster Projects of Detroit born Diane Ross, sang, "Baby,baby,baby,baby, baby don't leave me..." Yes, the words of the Supremes' Motown classic "Where Did Our Love Go?", resonated strongly with her, especially since Nigel. who she once either called Baby or Babe, depending on the mood, was very much out of love with her.Carl said with a laugh, "You must really hate that song." She laughed back, "Yeah, I hate it so much, I want to kill it with this stinky old voice that hasn't been on a stage in, I dunno, four months?"
After Carl ordered two roasted chicken sandwiches, two soups of the day, and two hot chocolates, he explained, "The reason I plucked you off the street like a daisy is I can help you back." She laughed, "On a critic's salary?"
A FEW WEEKS AGO:
Carl may have worked for the New York Times, but his favorite TV news was WABC-TV, ABC 7 Eyewitness News, which some people compared unfavorably to the Post, but there were a lot of things ABC 7 did better than the other locals, one of them live lottery numbers. He kept playing the Powerball until the jackpot hit a billion. With card in trembling hand, he stared transfixed at the screen until Yolanda Vega, the Vanna White of the New York Lottery, read the numbers as the ping pong balls they were on jumped through the tubes. As she read, the more they matched the numbers on Carl's card, until it dawned on him...HE WON A DOLLAR BILL WITH NINE ZEROES! He told family and friends, but he still loved the Times and he wanted to keep his job, so he opted for the monthly payments.
"O-M-Good-G," Rosa exclaimed. "I've been one of your biggest fans for the longest time and I want to get you back to the top of the heap," Carl replied. Their hot chocolates came. Carl raised his mug and proposed a toast "TO THE FUTURE!" After the nice, hot meal, which exceeded Rosa's expectations, he called his friends at the Times, News, Post, Newsday, and broadcast stations and said, "Drop what you're doing, 'cause I have a story for you!"
All those entities replied in almost one voice: "WAIT. WHAT?!?"
"I, Carl Taylor, am now the EXCLUSIVE MANAGER of the legendary Rosa Milano, and we are working on a nightclub act that's gonna knock it out of the park!"
Within hours, ET, Access, TMZ and DISH NATION all pounced on the story like a pride of lions, but the two most important people in Rosa's life had yet to find out. Carl and Rosa were about to head over to The Shops at Columbus Circle to get her a very un-homeless-like wardrobe, but she insisted they make a stop at Professional Children's School. The closing bell rang at 3, and Phoebe, the nanny who stayed with Nigel just because of the girls, walked them out, when, she saw...
"MISS ROSA! What on God's green Earth are you doing here! I thought you died!"
"It sure as heck felt like it. Can I talk to Frasquita and Mercedes?"
Carl recalled, "Carmen was such a favorite character of yours to sing that you named your daughters after her Gypsy friends, am I right?"
She laughed, "You've been doing your homework. Come to Mommy, Keeta and Sadie, and gimme a big hug!"
They were all too happy to oblige.
"How's Daddy treating you? "Keeta replied,"He's been taking us to see the dinosaurs."
"At the Natural History Museum?"
Sadie explained,"No, Silly, at the Rolling Stones concert!"
"Well, that's not the worst thing he's done. Has he done anything REALLY terrible?"
Keeta said,""He has all his old buddies over for grown-up parties and they keep drinking and smoking and shouting and all the smoke keeps waking us up."
"No way!"
Both Keeta and Sadie replied,"Way!"
"Remember when Uncle Carl stopped by for brunch?"
They ran towards him and almost knocked him to the ground. He laughed, "Chill, ladies! I'm about to make your mom a huge star again, but DON'T TELL YOUR OLD MAN! Don't let him NEAR a TV, radio, or even a newspaper, copy?"
They saluted and replied, "YES, SIR!" (They DID let him turn on Nick, Disney, and Sprout.In a kid's world, THAT is must-see TV)
:And don't tell him you saw us, PROMISE?"
"Cross our hearts and hope to die!"
A few hugs later, Keeta, Sadie, and Phoebe headed back to the apartment, and kept the 800-pound gorilla hidden in the room.
Having made contact with old friends, Carl and Rosa took advantage of his Titanium AMEX Card and created a new wardrobe with the help of everybody from Armani Exchange to Wolford. They then repaired to the Empire Hotel, the closest to Lincoln Center. (While Lincoln Center, although driven by John D. Rockefeller III and Robert Moses, clearly owes a debt to Walt Disney's entertainment complex, a section of the area is even named Disney Walk in his honor, they made the unfortunate mistake of not taking a page from his book and authorizing hotel construction on the grounds.) Carl informed the concierge that this was THE Rosa Milano, THE former opera star back on the ascendancy and worthy of their best service, but still, in the eyes of the law, a homeless person,and he wanted (and got) 24-hour protection from the NYPD and a private security guard. Just for good measure, he informed Rosa he had the BRC (a major New York homeless outreach organization) and the FDNY EMT's on speed dial, but she stayed out of trouble, listening to opera on Spotify thanks to the Empire's free Wi-Fi and catching up with her all-time favorites, THE BIG BANG THEORY and DOWNTON ABBEY. As she settled in, Carl returned to his River Terrace home, packed a few things, and moved to his temporary quarters at the West Side Y (He didn't want to blow ALL his winnings!) at 63rd and Central Park West, where he got ready for the exciting few weeks ahead.
NEXT: JUST THREE EPISODES LEFT BEFORE THE EXCITING CONCLUSION! (Can ya believe it?) Rosa's nightclub act! Rosa and Carl meet the ex! (If you have a delicate constitution, I DON'T recommend reading this one!) AND...Is there a new Mrs. Nigel on the horizon? Miss a little, miss a lot!
Steve out!
Saturday, January 30, 2016
PREEEEEEESENTING AN UNPRECEDENTED FIVE-WEEK LIMITED SERIES! (This is Volume 1, Number 4, BTW)
SONG OF REDEMPTION
A Valentine's Day Aria In Five Stanzas
This story may contain inappropriate material for readers under 13. Parental discretion is advised.
This is a work of fiction. Most of the characters and institutions are products of the author's imagination, and the author claims no responsibility for any similarity to any actual person, living or dead, or any actual institution. It is not intended. All trademarks are the property of their respective owners, and there are allusions to copyrighted material. The absence of the symbols (C), (R), and (TM) is not meant to imply any ignorance of legal status.
Stanza The First
THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD
Why was she doing this?
That was the first thought that ran through the mind of Carl Taylor, the esteemed music critic for the New York Times when he saw Rosa Milano, the famous opera singer, holding the door of the Dunkin' Donuts on West Broadway and Canal with one hand and holding 50 cents in quarters with the other. He understood all the circumstances that led up to this, her insanely jealous manager-husband, a veteran of the British Invasion, helped her become the biggest opera star since Pavarotti, heck, bigger than Beverly Sills! Thanks to him, she not only snatched up primo gigs at some of the greatest venues in America, even Madison Square Garden, but Taylor Swift welcomed her into her squad, she performed a duet with Blake Shelton on the stage of the Grand Ole Opry, she even had a few Top 40 singles on the pop chart! Unfortunately, the side effects included people walking up to her and Hubby and ignoring him, and two daughters who would rather fall asleep to her rendition of "Let It Go" (complete with Queen Elsa costume) to his medley of The Beatles' "Good Night" and "Golden Slumbers." This situation had Hubby so incensed that he took the wedding ring right off her finger and kicked her out of their swank Lincoln Square penthouse and onto the street.
As he jogged in her direction in his Yankee cap, Springsteen T-shirt and Yankee gym shorts,he wondered why she wasn't singing in the subways or working the talk show circuit. They made contact and did she sing "Sempre Libre" from Traviata? "Eleanor Rigby?" No, she asked plaintively, "Could you spare some change to help me get something to eat?"
The words finally made it out of his mouth. He asked her a question Billy Joel's fans asked him when he was playing nightclubs,but with an obvious difference:
"Lady, what are YOU doing here?!?"
"What the hell does it LOOK like I'm doing, butthead? I'm trying to get something to eat!"
"I mean, why are you panhandling like a common bum when you should be making money with your voice?"
"That frickin' Nigel took my voice when he took my ring! My daughters were the reason I had a career! I could have been the head of the G.D. Met Opera company but it wouldn't have meant jack without my daughters!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, but you ARE aware that you are breaking the law and your so-called friends are all addicts and lunatics."
"And what are YOU going to do about it, Mr. High-And-Mighty Music Critic?"
"Take you back to Lincoln Center and buy you lunch at the American Table Cafe and Bar."
"And suppose I kick your ass and run off to McDonald's?"
He pulled his smart phone out of his shorts and pressed three buttons.
"Three-One-One, how may I help you?"
"Could you please connect me to Homeless Services? I would like to report..."
She screamed, "OK,OK,OK! Take me up to that frickin' American Table Cafe!"
"What do we say?"
She sighed, "PLEASE take me up to that American Table Cafe."
NEXT:Lunch In Lincoln Center! Carl's Secret! Rosa Gets Back On Track! And we're just getting started!
A Valentine's Day Aria In Five Stanzas
This story may contain inappropriate material for readers under 13. Parental discretion is advised.
This is a work of fiction. Most of the characters and institutions are products of the author's imagination, and the author claims no responsibility for any similarity to any actual person, living or dead, or any actual institution. It is not intended. All trademarks are the property of their respective owners, and there are allusions to copyrighted material. The absence of the symbols (C), (R), and (TM) is not meant to imply any ignorance of legal status.
Stanza The First
THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD
Why was she doing this?
That was the first thought that ran through the mind of Carl Taylor, the esteemed music critic for the New York Times when he saw Rosa Milano, the famous opera singer, holding the door of the Dunkin' Donuts on West Broadway and Canal with one hand and holding 50 cents in quarters with the other. He understood all the circumstances that led up to this, her insanely jealous manager-husband, a veteran of the British Invasion, helped her become the biggest opera star since Pavarotti, heck, bigger than Beverly Sills! Thanks to him, she not only snatched up primo gigs at some of the greatest venues in America, even Madison Square Garden, but Taylor Swift welcomed her into her squad, she performed a duet with Blake Shelton on the stage of the Grand Ole Opry, she even had a few Top 40 singles on the pop chart! Unfortunately, the side effects included people walking up to her and Hubby and ignoring him, and two daughters who would rather fall asleep to her rendition of "Let It Go" (complete with Queen Elsa costume) to his medley of The Beatles' "Good Night" and "Golden Slumbers." This situation had Hubby so incensed that he took the wedding ring right off her finger and kicked her out of their swank Lincoln Square penthouse and onto the street.
As he jogged in her direction in his Yankee cap, Springsteen T-shirt and Yankee gym shorts,he wondered why she wasn't singing in the subways or working the talk show circuit. They made contact and did she sing "Sempre Libre" from Traviata? "Eleanor Rigby?" No, she asked plaintively, "Could you spare some change to help me get something to eat?"
The words finally made it out of his mouth. He asked her a question Billy Joel's fans asked him when he was playing nightclubs,but with an obvious difference:
"Lady, what are YOU doing here?!?"
"What the hell does it LOOK like I'm doing, butthead? I'm trying to get something to eat!"
"I mean, why are you panhandling like a common bum when you should be making money with your voice?"
"That frickin' Nigel took my voice when he took my ring! My daughters were the reason I had a career! I could have been the head of the G.D. Met Opera company but it wouldn't have meant jack without my daughters!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, but you ARE aware that you are breaking the law and your so-called friends are all addicts and lunatics."
"And what are YOU going to do about it, Mr. High-And-Mighty Music Critic?"
"Take you back to Lincoln Center and buy you lunch at the American Table Cafe and Bar."
"And suppose I kick your ass and run off to McDonald's?"
He pulled his smart phone out of his shorts and pressed three buttons.
"Three-One-One, how may I help you?"
"Could you please connect me to Homeless Services? I would like to report..."
She screamed, "OK,OK,OK! Take me up to that frickin' American Table Cafe!"
"What do we say?"
She sighed, "PLEASE take me up to that American Table Cafe."
NEXT:Lunch In Lincoln Center! Carl's Secret! Rosa Gets Back On Track! And we're just getting started!
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