APREVIOUSLY in SONG OF REDEMPTION...
Our modern day Henry Higgins, Carl Taylor, and his Eliza Doolittle, Rosa Milano who forgot until just a few days ago that she and her then-husband Nigel and their daughters, Keeta and Sadie, met him at a brunch at the late, great Lincoln Center-area eatery Josefina, (Another plothole plugged by Ye Scrivener.) informed her offspring about Mom's return from the streets to superstardom and told them not to let the Pater know anything about it until the time was right. They have taken care of food, clothing, and housing, at the American Table Café at Lincoln Center, the Shops at Columbus Circle, and the five-star Empire Hotel facing Lincoln Center, respectively. (Richard Dreyfuss, take note, this lady, who is about to stop being Down And Out In New York, is about to have it WAAAAAY better than your character in that movie set in Beverly Hills based on the play "Boudou Saved From Drowning". As I recalled, he STAYED homeless as the movie ended. Suffice it to say, THAT will NOT happen on MY watch!)
AND NOW...
SONG OF REDEMPTION
A Valentine's Day Aria In Five Stanzas
(I received a complaint about Rosa's language last time, but I DID say the story was PG-13. I WILL try and tone down the language, but I'm still just trying to keep it real. BTW, this is STILL a work of fiction, although some actual names of people and places are used for the sake of authenticity, and any similarity between a fictional character and an actual person without satiric intent is purely coincidental.)
STANZA THE THIRD
I Get Along Without You Very Well
The closest thing Rosa had to a nice piping hot shower in that period of homelessness was a stinging hot shower at a shelter in the Bronx. (She escaped with her life, scrounged two bucks, and took a train to Lower Manhattan, where our story began.) This time, she got the real thing, and the Caswell-Massey soap didn't hurt. After she got her morning news fix from GMA, (One of her guilty pleasures was hearing Jen Anniston as Rachel asking, "Who's George Snuffle-upagus?" after her friend Rachel saw George STEFANOPOLOUS, ABC News' Senior Anchor and the host of GMA through her binoculars, or as Rosa liked calling 'em, "opera glasses.") she met Carl at the Lincoln Square branch of JP Morgan Chase Bank, where they were going to set up her accounts. The only problem was, Nigel didn't want her to travel out of state, (Her passport was next on the agenda.) and the account executive needed proof that this was THE Rosa Milano. Carl looked at Rosa, and... well, how's this for proof?
THE HABANERA from CARMEN, an opera in four acts by Georges Bizet, libretto by Henri Meilhac and Ludovic Halevy, based on the novel by Prosper Merimee. Public Domain
"L'amour est enfant de Boheme,
I'l na jamais jamais connu de loi.
Si tou n'aimes pas,j'taime.
Si je t'aime, prends garde a toi!
(Carl sang, "Prends garde a toi" twice and attempted a Gypsy handclap, to the chagrin of more than a few customers.)
Si tou n'aimes pas, si tou n'aimes pas,j'taime.
Mais si jr t'aime,si je t'aime, prends garde a toi!"
(Love is a Gypsy child. He has never ever known law. If I don't love you, you love me. If I love you, be on guard!)
"OK, OK, I believe you!," the executive screamed after hearing Rosa belt out the Habanera, the song Carmen sings in the first act when the soldiers ask her when she'll fall in love. The act of turning Rosa back into a legitimate citizen of New York City and State and the United States of America took a good six hours,but after all the "T's" were crossed and "I's" dotted, it was time to actually work on the act, but not without meeting (Dum-dum-DUMMMMM!) Nigel. They returned to the Lincoln Square building that Nigel requested Rosa vacated, and a few selfies with the staff later, Rosa finally made it back to the old apartment, Carl in tow. She rang the bell and heard a slightly drunk voice shouting, "'Ey now, what's all this then?" He finally made it to the door.
"Oh. It's YOU."
" Good to see you too, Nigel. You remember Carl Taylor from that brunch at Josefina, right?
He shook Carl's hand as if it were a dead fish, and said, insincerely, "Good to see ya, again, guv'nor."
Carl replied, "The pleasure is all yours, mate."
"To what I owe the pleasure of this surprise meeting?"
"Well, Nije, I found your significant other freezing to death on Canal Street and we both agreed she deserved something bet..."
""Old it right there, Carl, there's someone I want you to meet. TINA! CHARLOTTE! EMILY!'
A beautiful English rose appeared on cue...along with 'Quita and Sadie. Why did they answer to two different names?
"Carl and, uh, Rosa, meet me lovely fiance, Tina White, and our two lovely daughters, Charlotte and Em..."
Rosa almost had a relapse back into her homeless phase. "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, BUSTER! YOU CAN'T JUST RENAME 'QUITA AND SADIE WITHOUT GOING THROUGH ME FIRST!"
Nigel replied, "OH yes I can! And I was just about to introduce the lovely Tina White, editor-in-chief at Miracle Books."
Tina said with a laugh," Remember our tagline, if it's a good book, it's a Miracle!"
Rosa replied without smiling, "Ha-ha. Nigel, why did you dump me for THIS bimbo? I thought you wanted to help me bring opera to more people, even let me try different genres!"
Nigel explained, "I got tired of all those fat ladies in helmets shouting at the top of their voices, and I changed the names of my daughters to those of the Bronte sisters, two proper British authors."
Rosa screamed, "YOUR daughters?!?! Since when are they YOUR daughters?!?!?"
"Since I took them out to A Salt and Battery on Greenwich for fish and chips and they blurted out the fact that you're coming back with your own nightclub act. By the way, congratulations."
Rosa turned a bright red. "MATA HARI! TOKYO ROSE! I HAVE NO DAUGHTERS! Why in the name of all that's holy do you need this new life?"
Nigel explained, "I wanted to write my own rock and roll bio, so what better way than to literally get in bed with an editor?"
Tina said, "My Nigey is a better writer than all those poor shmoes who keep bombarding me with manuscripts. Everyday I read them, then send them back with form letters saying, "I hear the post office is hiring,"
Carl pointed a finger at TIna, "So, that was YOU, you harlot!"
Tina replied, "Relax, Yank! We also have our own self-publishing service, multiple copies, your book on every platform known to man,copyright, ISBN number, all for the incredible low price of YOUR LIFE with a small service charge of EVERYTHING YOU OWN ON EARTH!"
Carl beckoned to Rosa, "Come on, Rosie, we don't need THESE guys! We've got a show to put on, and nothing's gonna stand in our way!"
When they made it to the street level Rosa looked at Carl.
"You know what?"
"No, what?"
"I've always loved U-nited Artists' 1976 classic ROCKY starring Sylvester Stallone, Talia Shire, and Carl Weathers in a great American underdog story. The remake, CREED, is now playing over at the Lincoln Square. You up?"
"You're on, buddy!"
Not exactly the most romantic way to spend a Valentine's Day, but, hey, whatever works, works!
NEXT: Stunning new developments in Carl's relationship with Rosa and Nigel's relationship with Tina and whatever the heck their names are! We finally get a look at the nightclub act AND Rosa's return to opera! Be here!
ALOHA!
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